Why the life you want may not be the life you need

I see myself having a modest property portfolio. Managing a handful of rentals with super-organised systems set up on my laptop.  Handling it all with ease and efficiency from some rustic little café on the Adriatic coast.  It is in the realms of possibility that I could work my way up to that if I am clever with my money.  (Mr MG and I already have one rental “by accident” after being unable to sell our home in the 2008 crash).  I have figured out how it is possible, and the idea appeals to me. 

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

Steve Jobs

Inspiration & ideas to get you to the life you want to live

I often find myself filled to bursting point with inspiration from all these different ideas and plans that could actually become reality one day if I choose to work towards them.  They promise a way that I could live the life I want and fulfil my dream of escaping the rat race. Now that’s a life I long for. (Montenegro here I come!) 

But the reality is that when I start to pursue the ideas, I hit a stumbling block.  Me.

A recent experience has made me all too aware of this.

I bought shares recently to make a tentative start on the idea of becoming a day or swing trader.  The market crash of Coronavirus presented a great opportunity.  I would start small and test it out.  However, I quickly realised that the reality was not quite as I envisaged.  Although good with money, there were 2 crucial qualities that made me question if I was up to this aspiration of mine.

1. I am indecisive

2. I am easily overwhelmed in certain situations

I always thought I would be fine.  I can and do take risks.  After all, I was one of the first tranche of foreigners to buy a property in Montenegro back in 2005.  Plus I have invested in the stock market for years (mainly funds). But the kind of risks I take are considered ones and I only leap when I have thought it through properly and my head and heart are lined up.

But I’m not good with the fast-moving type of risks. Like day trading.  I can happily do the longer-term shares and funds where you can sit on things and get on with your life.  I am able to keep a level head in the ups and downs of the stock market in a broader perspective.  But not the barrage of volatility of the daily stuff.   My nerves just can’t take the strain.

As my bargain shares promptly plummeted the day after I bought them, I realised that perhaps this style of investing – although appealing to me – wasn’t quite suited to me as a person.  My enthusiasm and determination quickly evaporated.

This happened at the same time as I also had to remortagage our house to fix a new rate.  This gave us an excellent opportunity to raise some extra money and buy a second small rental property.  I had it all thought out.  However the process proved to be more complicated and the rate more expensive than expected and I started to feel increasingly heavy-hearted and overwhelmed inside.  Much as it was a great idea, I then realised that it didn’t fit my need for simplicity in life.

The life you want may not actually be where you will thrive

All this got me thinking.  We can want a certain sort of life.  But is it the life we need?   The life we need to thrive as ourselves. 

It’s easy for the lines to get blurred, as I found out.  It is easy to get muddled about it all.  It is easy to set out for a certain sort of life, but miss the fact that we do not have a set of attributes which would be best suited to living that way. 

Like my share trading aspirations.  I have some aptitude and interest, but I haven’t got the temperament for day or swing trading. 

Fortunately, my foray into the world of trading hasn’t stripped me of my life’s savings. 

Remaining open as you move towards the life you want to live

But the key thing I have come to see is that it doesn’t mean I have to give up on my picture totally.  Maybe I just need to readjust it.   And maybe the path to my dreams needs some realignment.

Maybe I can have my super organised systems and a rental income.  But it might mean only a couple of houses, instead of 4.  Or even maybe just the one I currently have will be enough.

Maybe I can still check my investments on my laptop at a beach bar.  But maybe the tracker funds I currently have are enough with the odd company shares thrown in for the long term.  Perhaps the spreadsheet-loving investment nerd in me could still get her fix but without the bombardment to my nerves and cortisol levels.

Maybe I just need to adjust the picture in my head, so it takes into account the type of person I actually am.  The one that needs time to consider risk and think things through.  The one that doesn’t cope well with a lot of decisions every day. The one that needs a slower life with less to manage.

This is not a post to make you give up on your dream or the life you crave.  Far from it.  It’s an encouragement to accept yourself and pursue those things that will give you a life where you can thrive as yourself, rather than following a route that could stop you from flourishing.

Making a readjustment along the way towards the life you want to live

So, my simple takeaway for you is this:

1. Recognise your natural strengths and natural aptitudes.

2. Then understand the circumstances in which you perform best. The kind of things that bring out your strengths.  Being around people or solitude?  Fast pace or steady progress?  Reactive and operational or reflective and considered? Short-term activities or long-term projects.

3. Then work out the circumstances, which don’t bring out the best in you. The sorts of environment in which you don’t like to operate most of the time. This is basically, the above in reverse.  For me, I don’t thrive in working in environments with lots of activity and interruptions.

4. Use this awareness to modify how you get to your dream, if you need to. Pursue a route that places you in circumstances where you perform best, rather than pushing yourself into an environment where you may not naturally thrive.  (This doesn’t mean that you won’t need to get outside your comfort zone at times though).

5. Finally, don’t feel ashamed or inadequate about yourself. What will allow one person to flourish will look completely different for someone else.  The key is to work out what you need.  What conditions help you naturally to develop your strengths and get into that zone where you love what you do?   Then embrace them. Accept yourself.  You’re good enough as you are.

Pursue a route that places you in conditions where you perform best, rather than pushing yourself into an environment where you may not naturally thrive.