Calm the chaos of your mind: 5 steps to making decisions in uncertain times

Throughout the pandemic I have been doing my best to keep the flame of hope alight that we would be able to drive over there this summer albeit for a shorter trip.  I have been holding out to be able to pack up our little car with my lovely new cushions covers and window-seats, have a big road adventure and finally bring this long and drawn out renovation to a close, so we could start enjoying the place again.

But keeping that hope alive has come at a price.

My well-being.

What’s happened is that hope has been overshadowed by the what ifs and the maybes and the constant whirring in my mind has started to overwhelm me. Too many open questions with no definitive answers.  Too much weighing up of constantly changing information.  I have ended up caught in a loop in my head, that I don’t know how to resolve but can’t just let go of either.  There is no conclusion, so my mind now seems stuck on repeat.

So how do you calm the chaos of your mind enough to make a decision?

How do you do this in the middle of uncertain times – which don’t seem to be getting any more certain?

How do you make decisions when one day you’re hearing positive figures and encouraging signals and then the next moment, receiving news of outbreaks and policy u-turns from politicians?

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? (And can’t even think straight anymore?)

How to calm a chaotic mind & make a decision

 When I reach a state of overwhelm and my brain feels in chaos, I realise that I need to do untangle the mess and make some decisions.  I need to sort out the proverbial drawer stuffed full of clutter – that are my thoughts at the moment.  The decision may seem more overtly practical one – like in this case, a decision about my travel plans for Montenegro, what to do with existing travel bookings and how I was going to finalise the apartment renovations.  But equally it could be a particular concern that is bothering you, because it lacks direction, parameters, or clarity in some way.

Dale Carnegie says this in his brilliant book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

 “Experience has taught me, time after time, the enormous value of arriving at a decision.  It is the failure to arrive at a fixed purpose, the inability to stop going round and round in maddening circles, that drives men to nervous breakdowns and living hells.  I find that 50 percent of my worries vanish once I arrive at a clear, definite decision; and another 40 percent usually vanishes once I start to carry out that decision”.

5 steps to overcoming the chaos of your mind & making decisions in uncertain times

1. What are you worrying about? 

What is getting you down?

When I am overwhelmed and can’t think straight, I know this is my warning sign for some time out.  To bring the pressure cooker level in my head down a notch.  For me that looks a long walk in the fresh air.  Sitting quietly on my own to pray & be still.  Breathing deeply to calm myself down.  Writing it all down in my journal over a coffee.  Watching my favourite TV programme at 4pm in the afternoon. This enables my mind to relax a bit and slowly I start to see the different worries or issues that are swimming around my head. Some will be more pressing than others.  Some have been dragged along for the ride,  but are not actually the main tipping point of my overwhelm.

It’s important to be honest with yourself.  Sometimes you can feel that the main thing shouldn’t really be bothering you as much as it is (and that can make you feel even worse!) 

 Recently I got to this point and it took a few days to unravel my thoughts.  I allowed myself some time out to relax my brain.  At home I got a coffee and wrote it all out in my journal.  (It was more like a big scribbled mind map!).  I realised unmade decisions about the summer were part of what was dragging me down.  I should have been able to let them go and take it day by day, but I couldn’t.  I’m someone who likes to feel control and have a plan.  I’m also a freedom-lover and my trips away are more than just a holiday to me.  The not knowing was weighing heavy on my heart.

Be honest about what’s important to you and accept that’s how you feel.  Be real.  That’s the only way you’ll move forward. 

At this point it can also be helpful to agree (even if it is just with yourself) to revisit the issue at a certain point.  My husband and I agreed to come together 9 days later to discuss things (timed to coincide with an expected government announcement).  And we agreed not to discuss it until then.  This gave my head some breathing room and because I had a fixed date for the discussion, it was easier to set my questions aside. And interestingly enough while my thoughts turned to other things, what happened was, it helped me relax and in doing so my intuitive thoughts started to gradually take shape.

2. Pull yourself out of your emotional right-brain & tap into your analytical left-brain

Now that you have identified what is bothering you and how you are feeling, it is time to make a simple decision.  A sense of chaos in your mind involves lots of negative and upsetting emotions like worry, anxiety, uncertainty, confusion, self-doubt.  It is not a good place to live in.  The decision to make is simple.  You don’t want to keep feeling like this anymore.

This is your enough is enough moment.  Now make an agreement with yourself that you are going to “park” those emotions for now – set them aside – and look at the issues that you are facing with your analytical left-brain fully engaged.  Make an intentional mental shift.  Remember that the options won’t be perfect, but the aim is now to break out of the loop and get some order back in your mind.

The aim is to solve this problem in the best way possible.  Knowing it will not be without some compromise.  If you are not willing to accept that, then you can remain in the constant loop of uncertainty and questions and “holding out”.  But that is not what you want to do.  (INFJs like me – take note, in particular!)

Just to add, I’m not a neuroscientist.  So, my description of left and right brain may be somewhat simplistic, so please just take it in the spirit of how it is meant.

3. Write down what you can do about it. 

What are your options?

With your emotional chatter set aside for now, you can invite the analytical part of your brain to.  Now write down all the possible options you can think of regarding this issue.  Or you can also speak them out to someone – but don’t just think them through.  List any option you can think of and number them option 1, 2, 3 etc .  It doesn’t matter whether you like the sound of them at all.  You are just setting out all possible actions given the information available at this point.

For me, this meant looking at the rates of active cases in the UK to see if they had dropped to the required level for entry to Montenegro.  Checking Re-Open EU to see what countries were letting UK residents in.  Discussing the pros and cons of flying versus driving.

My list of options looked like this:

Option #1

Continue the same – waiting and hoping that the restrictions will lift so that we drive to Montenegro.  The trip would still be doable if we left on 7 August as we could be back in time for the school term. (Downside: more waiting and uncertainty).

Option #2

Aim to fly at the end of the summer to give more chance for the UK rate of active cases to be low enough (UK cases are currently decreasing).  (Downside: more waiting and uncertainty, plus we prefer the car as transport).

Option #3

Give up all hope of going to Montenegro this summer and change our Eurotunnel bookings so we can have a driving holiday in France.  Plan for one of us (or the whole family) to fly to Montenegro for a short break in autumn to sort out the apartment. (Downside: Won’t get to Montenegro this summer, France may not let us in)

Option #4

Give up all hope of going to Montenegro this summer, move our Eurotunnel booking to next year and book a holiday in England, with a working trip to Montenegro in autumn. (Downside: Won’t get to Montenegro this summer)