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Montenegro Girl x

What a visit to Montenegro taught me about learning to encourage myself

Dec 19, 2019simple life

nWe all need encouragement. As humans we require positive affirmation and support at times from someone who is genuine. We thrive with encouragement. But what happens at those times when we don’t get as much encouragement or acknowledgement as we expect? It’s at those times we need to become our own cheerleader.  A recent visit to Montenegro taught me a valuable lesson in doing just that.  It taught me about learning to encourage myself.

Learning to encourage myself

I recently had to go to Montenegro on my own for a working trip to buy the fittings and fixtures for my apartment renovation. It was a very scary prospect, travelling and tackling the long list of renovation jobs on my own.

But I did it. And I not only travelled and spent the entire week on my own, I sourced kitchens and finalised kitchen designs. I worked out a bathroom design and bought all the fittings and tiles. I chose lights and plug sockets. All in a foreign country negotiating with people in a different culture to the one I’m used to in England. Sometimes dealing solely in (my staccato) Montenegrin. I made stacks of decisions and had meetings with a Montenegrin builder I hardly knew. And all through this I found my way around a foreign country, driving in a hire car on the ‘other’ side of the road. Even negotiating the busy roads of the capital city, Podgorica, in rush hour, trying to keep my cool as best I could amid impatient, horn-beeping Montenegrins and multi-lane roads I was unfamiliar with.

And I did all this on my own.

Now I realise that it wasn’t the stuff awards are given for. (It’s not that impressive and some would take this in their stride). But the point is, it was a big thing for me.

 

Learning to encourage myself in the small things

​This particular trip to Montenegro was an important step for me, because I faced and overcame some of my fears in travelling and tackling things on my own abroad. It reawakened a quiet confidence within that I can still do it – I have the capacity to face such a challenge and overcome. Even after years of being able to lean on my competent husband to fill the “gaps”. But the fact is no one really realised what it had meant to me. It was just “another trip” to everyone else outside my 4 walls. And that’s okay. I do understand that. People are busy and have things in their own heads to cope with just as much as I do. But the harsh reality is, that others often don’t notice those little, but significant, moments when we face up to our fear. No one is in our mind and can see exactly what’s going on and all the things that hinder us and stop us scared rigid in our tracks. People don’t often notice and acknowledge these things – that appear small to them – but are big to us. We can often subconsiously wait for someone to notice. For someone to say a well done or to be impressed. But then find ourselves feeling disappointed or even dejected when they don’t. What this visit to Montenegro has taught me is that we mustn’t let those positive things in our life – those little but significant steps – go unrecognised, simply because no one notices and encourages us. We need to notice these things ourselves and celebrate them inside. Because it is often these little moments and small conquests, that make up the bigger, better whole in our lives.

It is often these little moments and small conquests, that make up the bigger, better whole in our lives. 

It’s a fact that no one else can carry our heart for us. We need to recognise the need to give ourselves that symbolic pat on the back. We need to learn to be our own encourager. No one is following our life in such great detail as we are. No one sees the myriad of little (or even big things) that we achieve and overcome. But in order to thrive as people, we shouldn’t let these achievements fall by the wayside. We need to learn to give a self-appointed award of achievement to ourselves. And tuck that treasure of encouragement in our own heart.

Learning to encourage myself simplifies the mental clutter

In my journey to simplify my life, I’ve become aware of how much mental clutter can complicate my life. It consumes my time as I internally wrangle with issues time and time again. Plus, it is emotionally and physically draining. So, I’ve been learning how important it is to declutter my thoughts of the negative stuff too.

So rather than be resentful and deflated when my achievements are not noticed or acknowledged, I’m learning to encourage myself instead.

So, I have given myself a big emotional pat on the back to celebrate my achievements during my solo trip to Montenegro. (The special award ceremony follows later).

It’s not easy following a different path to the majority around us. It’s not easy following our dreams. It’s not usually a clear and well signposted road. So, we need all the encouragement we can get.

And that means encouragement from the voice inside too.

Montenegro Girl x

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