Is perfectionism standing in the way of a simple life?

The inspiration and the excitement of finally being able to move closer to my dreams of making the apartment a lovely home. My escape from the rat race. Yay! Oh, but look out, here come the familiar feelings of lack of confidence and indecisiveness and fear. Ending in a confused anxious state inside, which frankly is not a happy place to be in.

It’s just an apartment, I say. But it’s really about a dream, though – one that’s very important to me. So understandably I feel passionate about it. However if I dig deeper into the mire, I recognise the desperate need to show how good I can be at something. To be acknowledged and recognised.

The thing though that has really been adding fuel to the fire is this.

I see that perfectionism is standing in the way of the simpler life I want to build. My compulsion to achieve the same result as a top professional designer as seen on Houzz (with only a shoestring budget too!) creates a conflict within me. It is so contrary to the contentment and simplicity I crave. My expectations are unrealistic I know. But I can’t seem to let them go either. I get stuck.

I see that perfectionism is standing in the way of the simple life I want to build.

Perfectionism and the simple life

I realised some time ago as I began to declutter my home and simplify my life, that the process was not just an external activity. It was most definitely an internal one too.

You can have the most minimal home but if your head is filled with complicated and confusing thoughts mixed in with some conflicting issues, then your life will feel far from simple.

Perfectionism in interior design and creating a beautiful home causes me to lose my peace. It fills my head with questions and choices for which there is no perfect solution that ticks all the boxes. It complicates my thought process and takes all my mental energy as well as copious amounts of time. So much so that I struggle to have the time and ability to focus on the other things I need to do. Like, you know, normal life.

This is clearly not part of the vision I have for myself and the simple life I am trying to create.

I realise that a certain amount of internal mess, figuring out and trial and error is part of any creative process. There is also nothing wrong in wanting to design a beautiful and practical space to live in and enjoy. But I just don’t want all the debilitating negative feelings that it brings along.

Break the vicious circle of perfectionism for the simple life

1. Ask what is more important in life

I’ve got to ask myself whether I want a simpler and more peaceful life more that I want a Pinterest perfect home. Whether I want contentment more that I need the ‘achievement’ of something amazing. Of coming first in the class. Maybe it‘s alright to come second …or even third or fourth … in the exam.

Maybe it would be better to aim for something ‘good enough’ instead. And with it welcome back the peace and calm that comes with keeping it simple.

2. Get a more realistic perspective to build self-confidence

By that I mean thinking of not just the aspirational interiors designed by the Houzz experts, but the homes that I see around me in normal life. Is everyone creating amazing spaces on a shoestring budget? Some of them may be good, yes. But many are not in reality that special.

By comparing myself with the top, the best and the most successful, I am demeaning the things I can do. I am undermining my confidence to achieve anything.

I consciously think through the houses that I have refurbished, the interiors that I have done over the years and the things I have achieved. They may not all be amazing, but there are a few good things in there that made me pleased.

Creativity is not harnessed by constantly belittling ourselves and pressuring ourselves to perform.

3. Show yourself some grace

We are not robots living in a sterile environment, where everything is black and white. We are complex beings living lives where things happen – children get ill, in-laws cause upsets, energy levels dip, the washing machine breaks down. Our ability to produce results and achieve what we truly desire is hindered almost on a daily basis in some way.

My perfectionist attitude takes none of these things into account. It just sets a staggeringly high bar and then comes down harsh and judgemental when I cannot reach it.

I have decided to show some grace and kindness to myself on the journey.

4. Stop feeding the monster of perfectionism

Magazines of wonderful mid-century interiors, websites full of beautiful rooms promising perfect lifestyles, a treasure trove of images on Pinterest and Instagram. They are all a wonderful way to get inspiration and ideas and I absolutely love them.

But I am almost addicted to them and you know what they say about too much of a good thing? I need to limit my intake of fresh ideas and perfect images because it exacerbates my perfectionism and fuels the negative feelings about myself.

Too much intake of others’ ideas hinders my ability to develop my own creative eye and vision for a space.

Letting go of perfectionism for a simple life – a journey, not a destination

Building a dream is good. Having a vision in life is a wonderful thing. But the most important thing is actually who we become along the way.

It is hard to wrench myself away from the obsessive desire to create this perfect Instagram image of an apartment. But I realise that in order to have the simple life that I crave and to have more contentment in my life, I have to make choices, decide what is more important to me and adjust my approach.

And that is not always easy.

But I believe it is always worth it.